


Moonstruck for Moony

by themoonisgay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Humor, LGBTQ Main Characters, M/M, Queer Marauders, Romance, Texting, texting au, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-09 22:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5558045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoonisgay/pseuds/themoonisgay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After receiving the wrong number, Remus Lupin accidentally finds a friend (or more) in Sirius Black, the boastful and adorably dramatic recipient of his text.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Texts Log #1: December the 5th to December the 16th, 2017.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Use of the q-slur, mentions of texting under alcoholic influence, brief mentions of abusive and neglected childhood, excessive swearing.
> 
> Messages sent from Sirius' phone are in bold.  
> Messages sent from Remus' phone are in italics.  
> Messages sent from Lily's phone are underlined.  
> Messages sent from James' phone are normal text.

 

Tuesday, December 5th, 2017.

 

(19:43)

_heyy do u have the maths hw?_

**im a theatre major good luck finding math around me**

_shit sorry wrong number_

**its alright i hope u get ur maths hw tho**

_yeah me too. sorry about that_

**its np**

 

Wednesday, December 6th, 2017.

 

(15:22)

**say how’d u even get my number?**

_what?_

**how’d u obtain my number?**

_oh i think i got stood up_

**rlly?**

_yeah some girl in my calc class said we could go on a study date and gave me this number_

**that obviously went well hah**

_well :/_

**sorry too much?**

_no im over it dont worry_

**right well sorry for being an invasive shit**

_sure u are bud_

 

Saturday, December 9th, 2017.

 

(20:36)

**so did u get ur maths hw?**

_yes and dont u have friends to talk to?_

**yeah but prongs is asleep and wormtail is visiting his grandpa**

_sorry who??_

**prongs is my best mate. wormtail is our trustworthy sidekick**

_is this some sort of cult thing?_

**eh i guess**

_jfc u sound like 12 year olds_

**hey just because we made the names when we were 12 doesnt mean we still are 12**

_okay lizzie mcguire_

**u r so rude that was a gr8 show**

_okay so uve gotta be at least 17 to remember it. add the immaturity of the average uni student and i’d guess you’re 20._

**….fuck u**

_alas i am correct_

**and what about u, irresponsible student?**

_what about me?_

**how many trips around the moon have you made?**

_trips around the moon? that doesn’t sound pretentious at all_

**i know it doesn’t. so how old r u, moony?**

_Moony? rlly?_

**yes really. now stop avoiding my question**

_how do u kno im not some 50 year old hacker?_

**do 50 year old hackers ask strangers for their maths hw?**

_ok fine im 19 sheesh_

**awww smol moony is only 19!!**

_dear god which of my sins accounts for this teasing?_

**all of them**

_thats quite a lot of sins. god needs to think of harsher punishments_

**oh rlly do tell. what sins have u committed in ur short 19 trips around the moon**

_wait a second the earth doesnt even revolve around the moon_

**im a theatre major stop criticizing my science skills**

_i cant believe i just met a 20 year old who thought the earth revolved around the moon_

**and here i was thinking youd want to be the center of attention, moony**

_no, i prefer sucking the light out of the true center instead. its easier_

**u r so lazy i love it. cant even remember ur maths hw**

_right well moony has to go take a nap now that the moon is up_

**sleep tight moooooony**

 

Sunday, December 10th, 2017.

 

(14:40)

_what are ur pronouns?_

**finally starting the convo, are u?**

_i just want to know ur pronouns so i can complain about you to my friend_

**im flattered. he/him**

_right. got a name or should i just call you sinner?_

**that works**

_will i ever get a straight answer out of you?_

**a straight answer? from me? it cant be done!**

_that was either a poorly composed gay joke or a reference to harvey and i dont know which one is worse_

**hm.. so ur an educated theatre nerd too**

_oh no what have i done_

**youve unlocked the avalanche of increasingly awful theatre references i will forever subject you to**

_does that mean we’re a thing? like us talking? is us talking a thing now?_

**it is until you find a way to make me shut up**

_ok so its a thing_

 

Monday, December 11th, 2017.

 

(12:58)

_u still alive? lol_

 

Tuesday, December 12th, 2017.

 

(9:42)

**hey**

_wow u said u wouldnt shut up and then u did_

**omg im so sorry i totally forgot**

_its nothing dont worry_

**im rlly sorry its just that pete came back and his grandpa passed and it was jsut a big deal**

_nono its fine really i was just wondering what was up_

_is pete wormtail or prongs?_

**yeah hes wormtail**

_well send him my condolences_

**“hey wormtail some stranger who accidentally texted me says they’re sorry ur grandpa died**

_ok yeah that sounds weird_

**uh huh**

_right. should i leave u be?_

**what? no? i like talking to u**

_u sure?_

**yeah pls stay. prongs is in the shower and pete wont stop crying idk what to do except text**

_ok what do u wanna text about?_

**idk tell me about urself**

_19, londoner, bibliophile, male. interested in piña coladas, getting caught in the rain, and making love at midnight in the dunes of a cape. looking for a long term relationship partner who likes taking long walks on the beach and poorly timed musical theatre references._

**why r u like this**

_like what_

**this isnt grindr bro**

_i know i just like fucking with ppl_

**christ ok lets try something else**

_hm?_

**we can take turns asking each other questions and u gotta answer**

_what do u mean i gotta_

**if u dont u have to send a picture of urself ;)**

_rlly now_

**yeah the stakes are high**

_[File Attached]_

_you win_

**fUCK u r hot shit fucvk ufkc**

_thanks_

**je sus chr is t wha t did u trade satan for that face oh ym god**

_my straightness hah_

**like it was ever there in the first place**

_true_

**so ok we gotta change the rules now that ive been blessed with an image of ur gorgeous face**

_go ahead_

**ummm if i lose i have to send u a pic and if u lose i get to call u**

_uh huh. go ahead then_

**right question 1 what did u eat for breakfast today?**

_rlly thats what u start out with? toast_

**how uninteresting i expected more from u** **  
** _a lot of people do_

**what a shame. now u ask a question**

_why do u even wanna play this_

**is that ur question?**

_yes_

**bc u seem like a cool guy and im vaguely attracted to u**

_right_

**my turn. do you floss?**

_hahaha no_

**u dont take me as a responsible person**

_bc im not why would u even think that in the first place_

**hah u wasted ur turn! i dont know why. onto meeeee- did u have a nice childhood?**

_how did u go from flossing to some profound and personal question? and no i did not thank u v much_

**well that makes two of us**

_glad to hear it_

**omg moony is so mean**

_thank u for the self confidence booster_

**ur welcome. its ur turn fyi**

_fine whats your name_

**fuck now i have to answer**

_yup_

**padfoot**

_padfoot? like that ghost dog from scotland? ur such a fucking liar_

**no rlly! its my nickname**

_ur cult nickname?_

**its more of a friend group than a cult**

_uh huh_

**we call ourselves the marauders**

_omg ur actually 12_

**shush we had a phase in second year when we just had to have original names**

_and u stuck with them huh, padfoot_

**u r very rude and for some reason that turns me on**

_tmi bro_

**right. well i gtg prongs came out of the shower and if my calculations are correct he’s gonna try to tackle me naked in like 40 seconds**

_what kind of kink is that_

**its not a kink he’s just a lone straight with no boundaries**

_well in that case i wish you the best of luck_

**thnx. cya**

 

(10:56)

**update: peter ran out of tissues so i have to run to the store and get more**

_how responsible_

**eh i tried to make prongs do it but he’s got a date apparently**

_the lone straight has a date huh_

**idk how he managed to get one rlly considering how hung up he is over this other girl**

_ah_

**so what r u up to?**

_lmao im in class_

**oh fuck sorry for talking so much**

_nah its fine i dont even like this class_

**what class?**

_calculus again_

**why r u taking it then??**

_its a requirement smh_

**paying attention in class is obviously not a requirement tho hah**

_u shush_

**what so u can pay attention or bc u dont want me to point out how ur not paying attention?**

_this is attentionception_

**yup. what brand of tissues should i get**

_idk but dont get one ply or else his tears will stain ur carpet_

**look at me, getting tissue advice from a hot stranger i dont even know the name of**

_sounds about right_

**also we dont have carpets**

_y not_

**we were going for a contemporary postmodernism-esque vibe, all minimalism and stuff**

_i got a headache reading that_

**in my defence it was wormtails idea and prongs money. i had no part in this interior design disaster**

_u still live there_

**shh**

_ok well class is over and i gtg to lunch with lils anyway_

**have a jolly time**

_sure padfoot_

 

Wednesday, December 13th, 2017.

 

(13:26)

**my bike broke so i have to take the underground i forgot how boring trains are**

_glad to know im ur first resort when ur bored_

**< 3**

_wait why would u even ride a bike in the middle of december jfc_

**high tolerance to pain. also its a motorbike**

_for some reason u dont strike me as a law abiding citizen_

**hey!**

**for the record, ur right**

_smh_

**so what are u up to on this fine wednesday afternoon**

_i have a class in less than an hour and i havent gotten out of bed yet_

**ur such a mess**

_i know_

**get out of bed moony**

_yeah i guess i have to_

**~rise and shine sunshine~**

_i thought i was the moon_

**u can be both bud**

_what does that make u then hm_

**me? im a star**

_ofc u are_

**it is my namesake after all**

_do i want to know?_

**nah**

_ok im gonna get up now_

**godspeed**

 

(14:33)

**moony omg do i have a story for u!!**

**moooonyyy**

**moooooooooonyyyyyyyyyy**

**moony**

**mooooooonyyy**

**m o o n y**

**moooonyyy**

**moony mc moonster!!**

**fine be like that u big moon**

**moonny?/?**

_i was giving a presentation and my phone kept buzzing i hate u_

**oops**

_:/_

**im more important than whatever thing u were presenting anyway smh**

_uh huh. im p sure i got points taken off u dingit_

**dingit? thats a new one**

_yea im very creative_

_so whats this famous story u needed to tell me?_

**ok so i got off the train and this girl tapped my shoulder and was like**

**would u like to donate to our lgbt rights thingy?**

**and i  to  T ALLY PANICKED**

**beCAUSE i h ad nO MONEY**

**s o    i just yelled out real yl loudly “IM GAY AND BROKE SORRY”**

**and kinda ran away omg**

**everyone was staring and and and oh god**

**end my suffering moony**

**pls**

_that is amazing i wish i was there_

**this is no laughing matter!!**

_“im gay and broke sorry” actually me tho_

**moony take me seriously! i am Suffering**

_sure padfoot_

**i just said seriously, the forbidden word, for u and this is the respect i get smh**

_did u rlly expect respect from me? and why is seriously forbidden?_

**u’ll find out**

_uh huh_

**im honestly so embarrassed bc of earlier**

**like why did i do that**

**what compelled me to just yell out loud in the underground how gay and broke i am**

**aND THEN SPRI NT THE FUCK  AWA Y**

_u r truly something_

**i want pity and all i get is a condescending moony**

_its in my nature to do the opposite of what people want me to do_

**then don’t make out with me ;)**

_u r such a fuckboy_

**i know i know**

_i dont even know ur real name, padfoot_

**do u want to know?**

_i like to know who im talking to_

**aha another harvey ref eh?**

_u r a fucking nerd_

_a nerdboy_

_fuckboy_

_fuckingnerdboy_

**u guessed it! thats my real name**

_i h8 you_

**fine fine if you want to know my name ur gonna have to beat me at the question game**

_i thought i got a pic of u if i won_

**u can get both. ur so selfish**

_u suggested it!!_

**i know. whose turn is it?**

_idk yours?_

**ok ok where are you from?**

_…_

_scotland_

**OMG do u have the thick scotsman accent??!**

_i hate this game_

**OMG U DO**

**anything else thats thick? ;)**

_dear god how can i repent for my gay ass? anything to end this_

**moony has a scottish accent!! moonys from scotland!!**

_if i didnt despise emojis so much id send the angry red mask guy_

**whyd u leave scotland? why london? all those posh southern ppl? smh**

_thats 3 questions and its my turn so no response_

**rude**

_i know._

_what do u look like?_

**french, hot, and full of sin**

_i was looking for a physical description but that works too_

**hmph fine im AVERAGE height (side eyes prongs for calling me short), sharp af jawline, long black hair, totally punk rock. lots of tattoos too ;)**

_i lied when i said u were a nerdfuckboy_

_ur just an average fuckboy_

**awh i liked that title tho**

_srsly every time u send me that winky face ur title becomes less nerd and more fuckboy_

**;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)**

_sickening_

**;)**

_this is worse than the questions game_

**;) my ;) turn ;) how ;) do ;) you ;) take ;) your ;) coffee ;)**

_cappuccino, three spoons of sugar_

**interesting**

_rlly now_

**it is! im a coffee expert mind you**

_rlly now_

**yes i used to work at prongs’ parent’s cafe it was fun**

_rlly now_

**mhm i was a barista, got gr8 tips from all my admirers**

_rlly now_

**you dont actually care do u**

_rlly now_

**omg stop saying that i have a fragile sense of self confidence hidden behind loud egocentrism and ur no help**

_rlly now_

**yes**

**;)**

_fine fine i was joking. mind u, that does sound rather fun_

**it was**

**welp gtg im having dinner with prongs parents**

_have fun, fuckboy_

**i will, moony ;)**

 

Thursday, December 14th, 2017.

 

(00:43)

**MOOONY**

**MOOOOONNNNNYYY**

**heyy yuo mnoon**

**mnoony fleamotn- thats prongs daddy hlol- broughht wine!**

**i t tastes ,like olivies heh Eh**

_padfoot it is one in the morning on a thursday and i dont want to be drunk texted by someone who’s drinking with their friend’s parents_

**buT THEY FEll aslep gr**

_you should too_

**mOONY U UR RELLY HAWT’//**

_uh huh_

**L I LIKE IM KIJND OF RELALY ATRTACTED Ito youU**

_ok padfoot go to sleep_

**;))))) slep w iht meee moons**

_goodnight padfoot_

**NIITE NITE MOONIE**

 

(13:10)

**heyyy**

_sober now?_

**huh ? what ?/**

_look above_

**omG i am SO SORRY**

**OH GOD**

**oh fuckfuckfcukufclkfuck**

_its ok u were drunk_

**moon yi am so sorryr tho ahh fuck**

**my head hurts!!**

_cold water and aspirin_

**ah thanks**

**im so embarrassed shit**

_its ok trust me_

**ok well now that ive thoroughly ruined my cool punk rep how r u?**

_like u ever had it in the first place. and im fine, suffering thru french class tho_

**omg u take french u take french omg**

_what y_

**i speak freeench**

_au revoir_

**non non mon ami qui je veux baiser!!**

_i will pretend like i did not read that_

**psh like u even know what baiser means**

_the internet says it means fuck_

**well fuck**

_uh huh_

**u know my secrets moony. my vague and questionable sexuality. my deepest darkest truths i only admit when drunk**

_im honored_

**u should be. so whats going on in this said french class?**

_madam boniface is talking about the conditional tense and i am playing snake on my laptop_

**glad to know u value ur education**

_i took french in secondary school so i dont rlly care about all this review stuff_

**y r u still taking french then hm**

_bc i need my language credit and as a lit major its a useful language to know_

**oooh a lit major**

**r u lit?**

_that was a terrible pun and u should be ashamed of yourself_

**i am**

_good :)_

**moony why r u so rude its mean and sexy and i hate it :(((**

_that sounds like a you problem_

**omg ur doing this on purpose!! ruuuude**

_like stated previously, i do the opposite of what ppl want me to do_

**ur such a good person moony**

_thanks pads_

**i was being sarcastic**

_oh i kno_

**hmph**

**my head still hurts**

_and y might that be_

**..bc i got drunk with my best mate’s parents on a wednesday**

_living a wild life are u_

**u shush his parents are wonderful ppl**

_was ur friend even there?_

**no he was on his date**

_so ur telling me u went drinking with ur friends parents voluntarily_

_without ur friend even there_

**i do not text u for this constant criticism of my nightlife choices**

_sure_

**moony whose turn is it?**

_why am i responsible for remembering_

**bc ur not hungover**

_ok fine fine its my turn_

**hit me with ur best shot**

_hm_

_why r u a theatre major_

**bc i love acting and being someone else helped me escape from my problems during secondary school so it kinda grew on me. im also v dramatic ha**

_oh i can tell_

**why r u a literature major hm?**

_idk my parents were pressuring me into being like a doctor or some shit but i wanted to do writing stuff so i was like screw ur ambitions mum im gonna be a starving artist_

**we have a lot in common lmao**

_yeah except im not a self absorbed punk_

**smh**

_so ur in ur second year of uni right_

**mhmmm**

_same_

**awh smol moony isnt as smol as i thought**

_im probably taller than you_

**oh yeah! how tall r u**

_1.82 meters lol_

**FUCK**

**thats hot tho**

_rlly?_

**yea tall guys are hot**

_im like 88% sure ur hitting on me_

**have been for like a week but thanks for noticing**

_yOU SAW THAT ON TUMBLR_

**oops**

_grr_

_so, how tall are you, padfoot?_

**is this ur question?**

_yes_

**so i have to answer?**

_yes_

**r u sure?**

_uh huh_

**...fine**

**1 meter and 73 cm**

_omg ur tiny_

**thATS AVERAGE HEIGHT!!**

_smh sur e it is_

**moony is a meanie**

_i acknowledge that claim_

**hmph. my turn**

_knock urself out_

**knock me out ;)**

_how what how could u make someone knocking u out sexual i_

**i can make anything sexual, moony**

_sigh_

**ok so**

**hm do u have any siblings**

_nah_

_u?_

**eurhg yes regulus hes my little brother and i love him and hate him**

_sounds normal_

**no omg hes such a dick tho**

_how so?_

**keeps embarrassing me in front of cute guys**

_what a prick :/_

**i knowww like i was about to land a date and he butted in and was like “hE SANG FROZEN IN THE SHOWER FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS ONCE”**

**i hate him**

_nevermind what i said i love this guy_

**y must you pain me like this**

_ <3 _

 

(17:44)

_ur giving me the silent treatment arent u_

**what? nooo**

_ok just making sure_

**sorry i just had things to do**

_dont we all_

**yes yes that is what i did**

**things**

_ur acting weird_

**no im not pshhh**

_then whats with the mysterious “thing” u were doing, hm?_

**ok fine i kinda saw the heart emoji and squealed into my pillow and fell asleep and now my hangover is over i think idk**

_so by having things to do u mean u accidentally fell asleep smh_

**as u can see im a busy man**

_of course u are_

**aha! there is prongs! bringing in the groceries!! gotta help him put away the groceries!! im so busy!! catch u later moony**

_lol ok padfoot_

 

_(20:10)_

**HEY PADS IS REALLY INTO U**

**REH9G;OB**

**AND HE THJ4FNkre INKS THT**

**UR L IKE jon; liokl..,,mkjrt retN**

**F**

**GjjRHYfg,h**

**sUEPR CUYTE**

**FORGET THAT EVER HAPPENED I HATE PRONGS JAMES I HATE JAMES I HATE PRONGS JAMES HATE  I HATE PRONGS I HATE PROGNS I HA**

_omg that was hilarious_

**I HATE PRONGS I HATE PRONGS I HATE PRONGS I HATE PRONGS**

_tell him i say thank you for that great entertainment_

**he says ur welcome**

**WAIT NO**

**thaT WAS EVIL OF HIM**

**EVILLLLLL**

_tell him he did good work for the sake of mankind_

**hE SAYS HE KNOWS**

**FUCK HIM**

**HE IS A SINNER**

**A BIG BAD SINNER**

**GRRR**

_why is he a sinner?_

_like i already knew everyone on this earth has a crush on me smh_

**i dont have a crush on you!!**

**i**

**dont crush on u!** **  
** **no crush!!!**

_me thinks the lady doth protest too much_

**methinks ur nOT HOT ok i am TOTALLY NOT ATTRACTED TO UR FACE**

_uh huh_

_[File Attached]_

**GODDAMNIT**

**why is ur f ace so so**

**nice**

_idk thank my parents_

**i wanna thank the academy**

**and YOU for sending me not only one bUT TWO pictures of ur face**

**i am**

**sc ream ing**

_glad to hear it pads_

**moony why are u like this**

_like what?_

**wHY DO U PAIN ME**

**with the ATTRACTIVE FORCE that is your FACE**

_[File Attached]_

**gAH**

_[File Attached]_

**omg ur rlly rocking that beanie aLSO HOTTIE**

_thanks_

_[File Attached]_

**jfc who knew u could make an ugly christms sweate r hot i am  so**

**wowwwwwoww wow**

_eh it was a gift from lily_

**TELL LILY I SAY THANKS**

_lily doesnt know who u are_

**wait who is lily**

_shes my best friend_

**wHAT ive told MY BEST FRIEND about u**

**i feel betrayed**

**how could you moony**

**how could you**

_calm down im telling her now_

**thank the lord**

_and btw she says she regrets purchasing it bc “he doesnt wash it!! and keeps wearing it!! get some hygiene u big mutt!!” and i quote_

**omg wash ur clothes moony**

**the max amount of times u can wear a sweater without washing it is FIVE**

_i do! i wash it once a week! thats decent right??_

**yeah**

**so back to how hot u are**

_yes?_

**do u always look that hot in glasses or do my eyes deceive me**

_[File Attached]_

_[File Attached]_

_[File Attached]_

**JFC how many PAIRS OF GLASSES DO U OWNNNN**

**also what is WRONG with your FACE how is it possible that u always look magnificent??!? even with old lady reading specs??!**

**i**

**i am so gay moony**

_i thought we’d already established that_

**yes but i need to reverbalise that in order to express how much im attracted to u**

_and here we see an intellectual gay attempt to use big words that dont exist_

**what**

_reverbalise is not a word padfoot_

**whatever im gonna say it anyway**

_knock urself out_

**knock me out ;)**

_oh god not again not this again anything but this weirdly sexual desire to get punched in the face_

_hmmph_

**what if u knocked me out after a nice dinner? ;)**

_thats it im kinkshaming_

**moony oh moony oh my dear dear moony i am but a meer jokester**

_that sounds like the start of a porno_

**i am the start of a porno**

_honestly from what i know about you that is the most accurate description of you by far_

**i try i try**

_i wanna know what u look like_

_u have like a hundred of my selfies but i have none of urs ://_

**ur gonna have to win at the questions game!!**

_something tells me im never gonna win_

**ur just gonna have to try rlly hard**

_ok fine whos turn is it_

**i dont remember**

**lets say its mine**

_go ahead u dimwit_

**cute. whats ur zodiac?**

_pisces_

**omG MOONY IS A FISH**

_im well aware. whats yours? fragile capricorn?_

**scorpio**

_of fucking course_

_what with ur strange punk rock agenda and exceedingly awful chat up lines i shouldnt have thought any different_

**dont forget the leather jacket**

_jesus christ u have a leather jacket of course u do of cours e he has a leather jacket_

**and the combat boots**

_i feel like u just waltzed out of Grease into the twenty first century_

**yeeaaaah**

_but deep down inside we all know that ur a big gay nerd_

**teacher! moony is bullying me!!!**

_bIG GAY NERD_

**ok ur not wrong i am p big ;)**

_omg stop this sin_

**stop drop and fuck me**

_this is crude and you should be ashamed_

_although not gonna lie id probably fuck u if ur hot_

**AHHHHH**

_nevermind i cant handle this fanbase_

**im the only one screaming om g moony**

_yes ur more than enough_

**oh yes i am ;))))**

_get out of my house u avid sinner_

**< 33333**

**so hows the weather over there**

_its raining. northern downpour amirite_

**omg same!!**

_probabl y because we live in the same city u ding dong_

**wait how do u know i live in london**

_same dialling code_

**oH this explains A LOT**

_how thick can u be jfc_

**very ;)**

_i meant in the naive sort of way but im not complaining for that informative, albeit fuckboy-esque, response_

**everything about me is “informative albeit fuckboy-esque”**

_ur just an informative fuckboy_

**mhm**

_u know_

_im actually rlly glad that girl gave me the wrong number_

**why? got the hots for me?? hmm**

_no but ur actually a lot of fun to talk to i guess_

**so are u moony, so are u**

_right well now that thats been said, im off to bed_

**omg moony u can rhyme**

_oh i know_

_but alas, methinks it is time to bid you adieu and rest until the morrow_

**for a literature major that was a terrible sentence**

**mediocre shakespearean lingo at best**

_ur right_

_goodnight padfoot_

**goodnight moony!! sweet dreams of me :***

_ill try_

Friday, December 15th, 2017.

(08:17) _  
_ _hey whats up?_

(09:02)

_yoo hoo? anybody hooome??_

_(09:38)_

**oops sorry i was on my morning run**

_i never took u as someone who ran_

**i dont usually on fridays but, well. it was a spontaneous burst of energy**

_so is all of my academic work_

**glad to know ur on top of ur life**

_the only thing im on top of is the ppl i fuck_

**o H god thank god tho**

_why_

**im such a fucking bottom omg**

_padfoot stop fantasizing about how glorious i am at sex_

**but i wannaaaa**

_and i want to have a regular sleep schedule and good marks in school. we dont always get what we want_

**i want some starbucks and also maybe a boyfriend**

_i see u have ur priorities sorted out_

**o yes i do**

**whats ur fav play moony?**

_idk probably huis clos_

**ew y r u such a literature person**

_all plays are literature??? u make no sense????_

**yeaaah but thats like heavy philosophy stuff**

_i like it! sartre demonizes everyone, even the ppl who think theyre in the right_

_isnt that neat?_

**yeahh i guess**

**maybe i dont like it bc hes french**

_but ur french_

**exactly i fuckign hate my family**

**french elitists**

_all countries have elitists_

**let me have my moment moony**

_go ahead_

***clutches pearl necklace, raises hand to forehead, swoons***

_u done?_

***gasps* it WAS MR GREEN! HE KILLED ELIZA!!**

_i am so confused_

**ok im done that was my moment**

_sounds like u reenacted clue_

**what? is that not how ppl have moments?**

_not usually_

**so anyway yeah i h8 ma famille**

_any particular reason? besides the elitist shit?_

**lol moons ur so so naive**

**elitist = disowning ur son when u find out hes gay af**

**elitist = trying to force him into an arranged marriage with his cousin**

**elitist = owning millions of family money from like the 1500’s and not financially helping me out**

**elitist = having fancy dinner parties. on a yacht. with like 20 caterists.**

_shit thats awful :/_

_they disowned u?!_ _  
_ **yup. ran away when i was 16 bc they caught me kissing prongs lol**

_wtf thats stupid af_

**yeah but its ok bc prongs’ family took me in and they love me**

_i thought u said prongs was a lone straight why were u guys kissing?_

**it was platonic kissing. also he came out as bi a few days ago**

_rlly?_

_tell him we can be bi buddies I WANT THIS IN MY LIFE_

**bi buddies**

**that sounds better. not a lone straight but a bi buddy i like that**

_and what does that make u hm_

**an insincere queer? gay bae? actually no gay bae sounds awful never call me that**

_ok my gay bae_

**i hate u**

_says the guy who has a massive crush on me_

**omg shushhhh**

_i like insincere queer tho. it has a nice ring to it_

**marry me and u can have a nice ring to it too**

_wow_

_i expected more from u_

**i expected more selfies from u**

_[File Attached]_

**omg is that a DOG with u?!?**

_yes that is my dog_

**DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DGO DOG GOD GOOD GOD DOG**

_yes his name is romulus bc lily is a fucking nerd_

_and lily didnt feed him breakfast yet goddamnit lily_

**omg omg romulus that is adorable omg DOG**

_u r a mess_

**DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG**

_[File Attached]_

_here’s him eating his breakfast that i had to feed him_

**DOG DOG DOG**

**i want that dog**

_u can meet the dog if u want_

**DOG?? MEET???**

_lol sure if we ever see each other_

**omg moony theres a DOG**

_padfoot we have already established that_

**i knowww but i love dogs ok i love dogs i love dogs i love dogs i**

_i think thats understood bud_

**im just rlly enthusiastic about dogs**

**what breed is he?**

_idk like collie and german shepard or something_

**:o big dog**

_yes, padfoot, romulus is a big dog_

**ok i wanna meet dog. i also want to have a nap. i also want to make out with somebody**

_1 sure u can meet my dog_

_2 then sleep_

_3 idk how to fix that problem lmao_

**u could make out with me**

_u could show me a picture of ur face first_

**i have a feeling ur never gonna win this questions game we’ve been going at**

_nope_

**so i might as well show u a pic now?**

_yup_

**fine fine fine as u insist**

**[File Attached]**

_padfoot that is literally the picture of my dog i just sent u_

**hah i know i thought itd be funny tho B)**

_of course u would_

**ok ok here’s a s e r i o u s picture of me lololol**

**[File Attached]**

_jfc??? ur???? hotter than i expected not gonna lie_

**wHAT did u EXPECT**

_idk. scrawny. half a mustache and ungroomed eyebrows. wears unironed plaid and khakis_

**thats just**

**wow**

**for your information i trim my eyebrows weekly**

**aN D im clean shaven thank u very much**

_lol i was only playing with u pads_

**hmmph**

**also u just described peter, not me**

_lol tell him i say sorry_

**he’s heard us say sorry enough**

_ooof course he has_

_i havent even met the guy and i feel bad for him_

**everyone does lol**

_why? is he just one of those ppl u always pity?_

**wellll**

**yes. but that adds dynamic to our friend group so its ok**

_lol alright_

**im tired**

_of course u r go to sleep_

**but its like 10 am**

_then dont go to sleep_

**but im tired**

_then go to sleep_

**but i wanna talk to u**

_then dont go to sleep_

**but sleeeep**

_go to sleep padfoot_

**night moony**

_its morning but ok_

_(16:03)_

**mmm what a refreshing nap**

_u slept for 6 hours how much sleep did u get last night_

**um well u know how i went on a run this morning?**

_yeah_

**and i said it was a spontaneous burst of energy?**

_uh huh_

**well i actually didnt sleep last night**

_right so the logical thing to do when u get no rest the night before is to go take a jog_

**im such a responsible person moons**

_u need help_

**i need ur help ;)**

_o h ym god_

**what?**

_can i go a day without ur corny chat up lines_

**nope!**

_i didnt sign up for this_

_wait didnt u sleep thru any classes?_

**hmm probably**

_omg padfoot u cant just sleep thru ur classes_

**oh fUCK i slept thru theory fuckfuck fjckuc**

_this is why u dont pull allnighters_

**omg moony im p sure we had an improv exam today AHHH**

_glad to know ur a responsible adult who can manage his time accordingly_

**ok u know what ill just like**

**say i was sick**

**and i need to just do it next class? idk moony im screwed**

_i can screw u ;)_

**WhAT i thought u said u were TIRED OF THE CHTA UP LIN ES**

_i couldnt miss the opportunity lmao_

**:o**

_but regardless u rlly need to get on top of ur shit_

**u need to get on top of me**

_u need to wash ur mouth_

**u need to wash my mouth with ur mouth**

_that makes no sense but ok_

**moony omg**

_what_

**i know we just talked about this**

**but omg**

**omg**

**i just missed my improv exam**

**mcgonagall is going to kill me**

_who dat_

**shes my acting theory prof and future murderer**

_tell her i can help her_

**ok ill be sure to pass on the message**

**WAIT**

**nevermind u meanie!!**

**meanie moony!**

_meanie moony and insincere queer_

**that has a nice ring to it**

_yeah it does_

**omg but rlly i need heeelp**

_say u missed class bc ur friend was in the hospital_

**what but she’d know i was lying**

_tell her i was in the hospital or something idk_

**were u?**

_no but she doesnt know that does she_

**omg moony ur a genius!!**

_lmao nah_

**u r a liar**

_i know_

_now go email her pads. go spread my lies_

**ok!!**

(21:32)

**PADFOOT? MORE LIKE RADFOOT**

_u r exhaustingly bad at puns_

**MOONY? MORE LIKE**

**DO ME**

_that barely rhymes_

**MOONY? MORE LIKE PRUNY**

_i have very clear skin excuse u_

**SUE ME**

_sue me? lmao padfoot u r stuck in 2012_

**moony im trying to get the point across that my nickname is rad and urs is just pruny**

_im p sure its spelled pruney_

**ok fine fine whatevs ur pruney moony and im rad butt padfoot**

_butt and foot dont rhyme bud_

**this is artistic censorship**

_if it makes u feel better im sure u have a rad butt_

**:o rlly? thats the nicest thing *tears up* anyone has ever said to me**

_that wouldnt surprise me_

**of course it wouldnt**

**so what r u doing on this fine evening moonshoes?**

_im eating takeout with lils and marathoning kitchen nightmares_

**that sounds so sad**

_hey! this is our normal friday tradition do not dishonor it_

**fine fine  tbh i wish i was hanging out rn but james is on another date and pete is works as a bartender on fridays**

_do u only have two friends?_

**no!! theyre just my closest ones**

_ok ok well i only have like 4 friends and theyre all girls soo_

**omg moons ur the token queer boy in the friend group**

_shush. gordon ramsey is slamming these americans do not ruin this moment_

**which episode is this**

_lmao its the one with the mexican resto with spoiled crabs_

**tbh that could be like 9 different episodes**

_tbh i could be texting like 9 different ppl but here i am_

**i kno u love me**

_lol unfortunately_

**well im gonna go bother wormtail at work**

_have fun. dont get too drunk_

**haha funny**

**cya later moons. have fun watching gordon drag americans**

_i always do_

**au revoir, ma lune**

_byee_

(23:05)

_goodnight padfoot_

**goodnight moons B)**

Saturday, December 16th, 2017.

(07:32)

**rise and shine moonshoes!!**

_it is half past seven on a saturday what the fuc  k is wrong wiht you_

**awh i forgot poor moony needed his beauty sleep**

_u shush im beautiful without sleep_

**i dont doubt it**

_but that doesnt explain why u thought it necessary to awaken the Moon at such a prehistoric time_

**prehistoric? smh**

_yes! prehistoric!_

**ok go ahead and inaccurately use words**

_i will!_

**well, pesty moony, i woke u up because my esteemed mother, jane austen, was born on this morn**

_u r insufferable_

**u love me**

_unfortunately_

**anyway since dear jane was born today i think its important we celebrate**

_leave me alone u lit snob_

**ur the lit major here!!**

_shhh im not a lit major until after 10 am_

**fine i see how it is. take the birth of my savior for granted. fine.**

_im sleepy!! too sleepy to deal with an upset padfoot_

**hmmph fine catch ur beauty rest while i dedicate 2 hours to creating an austen shrine with pete**

_have fun u nerd_

**have fun missing out bc u value sleep over the birth of my hero**

_my loss_

**goodnight moons**

_too tired.. to point out illogicies…_

**have a nice sleep**

(10:44)

_hows ur shrine goin?_

**prongs tripped over a candle so we’ve had a minor set back…**

_shit is pride and prejudice ok??_

**ok wow u value a book over our lives ? smh**

_well i know ur alright bc ur texting me_

**i could be texting u from beyond the grave**

_yeah sure thats the first thing u’d do after dying_

**ur right id spook snivellus first**

**then id text u**

**maybe walk a ghost dog in the meantime**

**anyway how was ur catnap**

_it went swell tyvm_

_[File Attached]_

_well rested moony is well rested_

**screams softly**

_lol_

**u have excellent dimples**

_thnx u gay_

**i am proudly gay for ur face**

_rlly? i didnt know_

**omg moony ye s ye s yes ur face makes me go all :ooo**

_ur fascination with my face makes me go all :ooo_

**seems like a good system we’ve got going then**

_lol padfoot_

**we should keep it up!!**

**u send me hot pics of u and in return i boost ur self confidence**

_uve got rlly low standards_

**do not! dont u dare insult my taste and indirectly urself how dare u**

_i dare to do a lot_

**if ur gonna dare to do a lot at least dare to do me**

_that is honestly ur worst one yet_

**its the thought that counts..**

_ah yes the thought that u desperately wanna shag me will keep my spirits bright in this time of sorrow_

**thats the plan**

_who made this plan_

**well… prongs may have helped**

_rlly?_

**prongs may be my texting coach**

_wat_

**by that i mean hes sitting right next to me to stop me from saying something “crude, unattractive, or warranting of government surveillance”**

_prongs is a true pal_

**u could say that**

**he keeps trying to make me capitalize shit tho**

_fuck the system_

**yeah fuck u prongs**

**nvm he says i dont get dinner if i start a revolution against him**

_ok definitely not worth it then_

_gtg brunch with marls_

**dont set anything on fire**

_if i dont ill already have a one up on u_

**shit**

_(16:10)_

_marls says ur hot and if she weren’t so gay she’d dig u_

**rlly? she actually said “dig me”**

_yes_

**ur friends r lame**

_coming from the guy who has a shrine for jane austen_

**coming from the guy who obviously talked about me at brunch**

**also brunch does not take six hours wtf**

_we may have accidentally gotten into a mariokart tournament_

**did u win**

_yes_

**savour that title bc im gonna take it from u**

_lol sure u will_

**i will!**

_doubt it. my only skill is mariokart_

**ur about to not have any when i win B)**

_ok padfoot u go along and think that_

**hmph!**

**anyway, u were talking about me to other people :***

_woah u only came up bc lily doesnt know how to keep a secret_

**_awh tell lily i love her_ **

_she says she loves u too_

**tell her that shes so much cooler than moony!**

_she applauds the nickname_

_wait why am i suddenly a messenger_

_talk to her urself u dimwit_

**could i?**

_yeah i gave her ur number now shush im watching gordon ramsey again_

**is this all u do**

_if im not talking to pesky padfoot, yes_

**pesky? what about pretty? or perfect padfoot. i like perfect padfoot more**

_i like silent padfoot the best_

**too bad there is no silent padfoot**

_ikr what a shame_

**well im gonna go back to watching pride and prejudice**

_have fun worshipping a dead author_

**both pete and i will**

_nerds_

**honestly ur right**

(20:01)

sup

**yoohoo who is this??**

i’m lily, rem’s friend :)

**rem? is rem moony?**

yeah lol do u not know his name??

**he never told me**

omg

his name is Remus John Lupin, his birthday is March 10th, and he totally has the hots for u

**oMG WHAT??**

ikr he’s a pisces who woulda thought

**no wait he likes me??**

yeah he cant shut up about u

**omgomgomgomgo mg**

why is this such a surprise? he’s basically texting u 24/7

**y e s but**

**consider this**

consider what?

**consider that i am literally screaming like like actually screaming. out loud. AHHHHHHH**

calm tf down

**I CANT**

jfc calm ur gay ass

**my gay ass is never calm!!!**

same

**how do i get remus to realize i like him? im p sure he just thinks i wanna shag him**

**like i do**

**but i also want to kiss him and take him out for coffee and smother him with blankets and bring him tea and cuddle with him and make him smile and buy him better jumpers and go shopping with him and swimming with him and camping and stargazing and picnicking and skiing and and and**

u two are so gay omg

**i knowww i have a problem lily help me**

i’ll see what i can do

**thank you!! u r a true hero**

oh i know

**so what should i do**

ur best approach is to be explicit

**wat u mean like**

NO

i mean be super clear about what u want and how u feel because remus is so fucking oblivious let me tell u

**how oblivious?**

he didn’t realize that marlene and dorcas were dating, although it was like super obvious, until he walked in on them

**oh mon dieu**

yeah u have to tell him outright

**ok but hes attractive and im sewage water at best**

fuck no remus showed me a pic of u and ur hot so shut up

**ok i know im hot. like im rlly hot but to remus im probs sewage water**

r u even listening to me???

**yes?**

look he’s rlly into u so just give it a shot and see where it takes u

**r u sure?**

yes i am suHTRRE

FUKCU LILl9YyyYY

REMUS almMOst HA S mY PHO EHN

S O SSOS SOS

**um**

disregard everything lily has told u

gihtnjk ahwayY

REM LIKSE UUUU

liLS SUX

**ill leave u two to it**

fuck u lily

(21:20)

**remus is such a beautiful name, you know. it might be better than moony**

_thanks? and idk what u two were talking about but dont listen to lily she is evil and ginger_

**sounds like she’d make a gr8 friend i always go for the evil ppl**

_well not her!_

**why not?**

_bc blasphemy!!!_

**what**

_i dont know!! i was watching my kitchen nightmares, pEACEFULLY, when lily came in and was like “haha ur gay, son” like i know but still way to flaunt my lonely gayness around_

**lol u r tho**

_ok ye s but i dont want any CONSPIRACIES or EVIL PLANS behind my back_

**no guarantees**

_i h8 u both_

***goes back to planning with lily***

_OMG_

_whatev er i want prong’s number_

**lmao ok**

**[Contact Attached]**

_thank u and now that thats set goodnight_

**what r u abandoning me for my bi buddy**

_yes_

**thats cruel and unusual. James doesn’t deserve ur presence anyway**

_well he’s about to get it_

_goodnight u gay_

**hmmph goodnight gayer**

(21:43)

_hello this is moony aka Remus aka padfoot’s friend hello_

hi?

_this is James right?_

yes it is

_sorry to bother u but your friend has been harassing my friend about MY emotions so this is payback_

_tell me every secret about padfoot_

well his name, for starters

_yes that what is it_

lol cant believe he hasnt told u brb im gonna go pick on him

_ok but his name??_

i think he’d rather tell u himself smh

_fine_

apparently he’s too embarrassed to talk to u directly so here’s a message: can i (pads) call u tomorrow?

_what a gay nerd_

_say yes_

ok i did anyway i gotta go to sleep

_its like 9 pm_

yes but i am on top of my life so im going to sleep

see u in the morning u gay lovebird

_hey!_

goodnight Moony

_..goodnight_

(22:33)

_gn lily_

u r literally a room away from me omg ur so lazy

_u love me_

unfortunately

_hmph_

omg fine goodnight

(22:55)

_goodnight Padfoot_

**u already said goodnight**

_well im saying it again_

**how greedy**

_fine i guess i wont bid u goodnight from now on_

**wait nooo i like it**

_why?_

**idk its kinda cute**

_omg padfoot ur such trash_

**ple ase i knew that already**

_ok well im going to bed_

**dream of me, moony :***

_i always do_

_goodnight_

**goodnight Remus**

(23:51)

****wait what do u mean u always do wat** **


	2. Texts Log #2: December the 17th to December the 19th, 2017.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As their bond tightens, Sirius begins to reveal more and more about his unending affection for Remus Lupin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter includes mentions of food, alcohol, drunkenness, homophobia, and a small amount of blood.

Sunday, December 17th, 2017.

 

(10:13)

**good morning**

_hello padfoot_

**how’d u sleep?**

_mmm pretty good_

**did u have any good dreams?**

_yeah_

**what about?**

_umm i can’t quite remember_

**ohh**

_why r u asking me this?_

**well**

**u said u always dream of me**

_what when_

**remus literally scroll up**

_oh_

_um_

_sleepy moony says silly things_

**wat?**

_im sure i didnt mean it_

**u sure?**

_yeah dont worry bout it_

**what if i wanna worry about it**

_uhh go ahead then?_

**whats gotten into u?**

_nothing?_

**u sound weird**

**like**

**omg**

**ur lying arent you??!**

_what noo_

**omg u totally r**

**u totally have dreams about me**

**omg**

_shut it!!_

_..so what if i do_

**im honestly so happy rn**

**this is the best news i’ve ever heard**

**moony dreams about me omg**

_only a few times!!_

**still! what were the dreams about?**

_do we rlly have to talk about this_

**id like to**

**i guess we dont have to**

**srry**

_no its ok_

_ill tell u_

**wait really??!**

_yeah i dont rlly care_

_but only if u tell me ur name_

**ok but only if i can call u**

_what?_

_now?_

**yea i wanna hear ur voice**

_why now?_

**i cant wait anymore**

**i rlly want to do this**

**i want u to hear my voice before u know my real name**

**i want to hear u. i want to hear how sarcastic ur voice sounds and how thick ur accent is and ev ery thi n g**

_padfoot idk_

_its rlly early and i probably sound croaky and gross_

_i havent even brushed my teeth yet!_

**what i cant smell ur breath over a phone**

**and moony it is 10 am!! how is this rlly early to u?????**

_bc i dont have a grip of my life and im only productive at 11 pm_

**1 get a grip of urself and 2. tiME MANAGEMENT MOONY!!**

_sorry im a mess_

**right**

**well anyway can i call u now? i wont mind the croaky “morning” voice**

_idk_

**please?**

_ok_

**so i can call u?**

_yeah go ahead_

**ok im calling u now**

 

(10:28)

[Call from Padfoot B) to Moony <33]

 

**“Hey Moony.”**

_“...”_

**“...”**

_“H-hi…”_

**“Shit… fuck. Hi.”**

_“Heh, hi.”_

**“So… what’s up?”**

_“I’m good.”_

**“Yeah. Same.”**

_“Oh my God. You sound so French.”_

**“What?! I said, like, two things!”**

**  
** _“You’re right. I should be thankful you only said, ‘like, two things’. You usually can’t shut up.”_

**“Hey!”**

_“Sorry, Padfoot. You know it’s endearing, so don’t feel disconcerted.”_

**“...”**

_“...”_

**“I like the way you say Padfoot.”**

**  
** _“Huh?”_

**“It just sounds really sweet. I don’t know. Like I can hear your smile when you say my name.”**

_“It’s not even your name, though.”_

**“I’m Sirius.”**

****  
_“I’m sure you’re serious about hearing my smile. I mean, it’s plausible, considering that I’ve been smiling this entire call.”_

 _  
_ **“No. Remus, I didn’t mean I’m** **_serious,_ ** **I meant I’m** **_Sirius._ ** **”**

_“Padfoot, are you okay?”_

**“Yes! Of course.”**

_“Well, I’m afraid serious and serious are both the same word, bud.”_

**“No, that’s not what I meant! My name is Sirius.”**

_“What?”_

**“Sirius. Like the star.”**

_“Wait, your name is Sirius? Oh my God...”_

**“What?”**

_“I’m pretty sure Sirius is the star from the dog constellation. Jesus fucking Christ.”_

_  
_ **“Yeah, so?”**

_“You don’t recall that time you sent me the word dog in all caps like a hundred times?”_

_  
_ **“Oh yeah, that was pretty funny.”**

_“Yeah… I like Sirius. It definitely fits.”_

**“What?”**

_“The name really fits you, I think.”_

**“Nom de Dieu…”**

**  
** _“Sorry, what?”_

**“Oh, sorry. Sometimes my french just sort of… floods into my speech. I don’t know.”**

**  
** _“That’s actually really cute, Sirius.”_

**"Arrêts! Je ne peux pas rougir."**

_“_ _I actually need to understand you, though.”_

**“Um. I said to stop because I don’t wanna blush.”**

_“Oh God. That’s adorable.”_

**“No! I’m not adorable. I’m hot and punk rock.”**

_“What a_ smol _cinnamon roll, ready to be eaten.”_

**“Okay there are several things wrong with what you just said.”**

_“What? Impossible. There’s nothing wrong with anything I say.”_

**“There definitely is.”**

_“Oh yeah? Like what?”_

**  
** **Well, for starters, let go of three year old memes. Keep it fresh, Moonshoes.”**

_“They’re vintage! Don’t insult my memes. I grow them myself.”_

**“Yeah, okay Moony. Secondly, by saying I’m ready to be eaten, are you saying you wanna eat me out? Because you should at least take me out for dinner first.”**

_“...Fuck you, Sirius.”_

**“I’m starting to love how you say my name. It really rolls off your tongue.”**

_“So will an array of vulgarities if you don’t stop making me blush.”_

**“That’d be pretty hot, not gonna lie.”**

_“You’re insufferable.”_

**“Oh, I know. Anyways, you said you would tell me what your dreams were about, so spill.”**

  
_“I can tell you’re totally winking right now.”_

  
**“Fuck. You know my deepest secrets.”**

_“Good. I thrive on private knowledge.”_

_  
_ **“You are so evil, Remus.”**

_“Oh, I’m very aware.”_

**“Wait! You’re avoiding the question!”**

_“What question?”_

  
**“What were your dreams about?”**

 ****  
_“Oh, right. That.”_

  
**“Yes, that! Tell me, Moony. I need to know!”**

 ****  
_“Well, you were lying on my bed.”_

  
**“Yeah?”**

_“And I was on top of you, pinning you to the bed.”_

**“And?”**

_“I raised my hand up to your cheek.”_

  
**“Yeah? What happened next?!”**

 ****  
_“I slapped you really hard.”_

  
**“What?!”**

 ****  
_“Mmhmm. It was a brilliant dream.”_

  
**“You’re fucking messing with me.”**

_“I know, but I bet that turned you on.”_

**“Hmmph.”**

_“Oh my God, it totally did.”_

  
**“Shut up! Are you actually gonna tell me what your dreams were about or no?”**

 **  
** “Nah.”

**“You’re the worst.”**

_“Yes, I really am.”_

**“Oh shit. Prongs is calling me.”**

_  
_ _“Yeah?”_

**“He just sent me a text, hmm.”**

_  
_ _“What did he text you?”_

**“Something about Pokemon? I don’t know.”**

_  
_ _“Sounds important.”_

**“Yeah, when isn’t Pokemon important?”**

_“True.”_

**“Well, I should probably go see what’s up.”**

_  
_ _“Okay.”_

**“Wanna talk later?”**

_  
_ _“Yeah. That’d be nice.”_

**“Alright. Bye, Moons.”**

_“Goodbye, Sirius.”_

 

[Call Disconnected at 10:58]

 

(2:23)

_padfoot has a very nice voice_

remus im at work

_i know but_

_its so nice_

_and french_

_and so posh but like i  can tell he tried rlly hard to not sound posh_

_he so sounds posh tho_

remus ur not getting free coffee next time u visit if u send me one more text about ur bfs voice

_hes not my boyfriend!_

sure

_fine fine have a nice shift_

goodbye remus

_cya lils_

  
  
(17:30)

**so apparently prongs idea of a fun saturday is making card castles out of vintage pokemon cards**

_not gonna lie i’d love that_

**ur so lame**

_let me have this ok_

**take it if u want**

**the charmeleon card keeps making the whole stack fall down**

_fuckin charmeleon_

**ikr**

**its probably a reckless teenager**

**in its scene phase**

**cant just let things be, it has to ruin it for everyone**

**thinks its better than everyone else**

**just bc its white and has perfect ass blood or some stupid ass shit**

**it probably has greasy hair and a gross sleazy wardrobe**

**fuckin charmeleon**

_are u talking about charmeleon or a person u hate lmao_

**oh**

**yeah im talking about a person i hate oops**

_how’d that happen?_

**sorry im just kinda distracted this dick, snape, came up to me today and basically started screaming about me bc me being gay is gonna ruin my family’s pure bloodlines or some shit**

_what the fuck_

**he called me a few things**

**i punched him in the nose**

**maybe his nose will be actually decent now**

_sirius_

**i know its an awful thing to say but like**

**hes been an ass to me throughout secondary school**

_jfc he sounds awful_

_im so sorry u’ve had to deal with that shithead_

**its ok i mean we’ve done our fair share of pranks and stuff**

**i fucking hate that he went to our college tho**

_that sucks :/_

**im not even in a good enough mood to make a dick joke in response to that**

_oh fuck that means this is rlly bad_

**i know**

**james thinks pokemon card castles r supposed to be therapeutic or some shit**

**hes all about this new like do-it-urself emotional release stuff idk**

**he bought a booklet about like how to use herbal medicine to clear ur head and stuff**

_like weed? lol_

**no omg he means like thyme and tea mixed with citron and stuff i mean it tastes good but it doesnt DO anything**

**it just doesnt work for me i guess**

_maybe u should try releasing ur anger physically?_

**yeah i.e. i punched him in the fucking nose**

_ok but not like that maybe?_

_like idk running? u like running_

**i guess**

**idk**

**im still rlly pissed tbh**

_shit_

_sirius this rlly sucks_

**yea**

_im so sorry bud_

**its alright**

_i’ll fight him for u_

**thanks remus**

**i think im gonna go take a nap**

_sleep well_

**ill try**

**if i dont wake up soon then goodnight**

_okay_

 

Monday, December 18th, 2017.

 

(00:09)

**idk if ur even up but i just had an amazing dream**

**like the whole snape thing totally evaporated**

**like idek care**

**it was a rlly nice dream :)**

**r u up?**

_omg sorry i was writing stuff hi_

**hi**

_what did u dream about?_

**we were just cuddling it was rlly nice im pretty sure there was a dragon involved too**

_thats adorable. im glad u feel better_

**thanks it was a very nice dream c:**

**what are u writing?**

_some dumb ass essay_

**why? arent u on winter break**

_yes but i had a panic attack during our final so shes letting me make it up with an essay instead_

**thats nice of her**

_yeah but i forgot it was due today_

**shit**

_yup_

**do u need help?**

_actually yes i really do need help but only if ur not busy_

**remus its like half past midnight i can assure u im not busy**

_dont u need to sleep though?_

**nah not going out until like seven anyway**

_ok well if ur sure_

_just send me ur email and ill share the doc with u_

**cool**

**[Contact Attached]**

_thnx i shared it w you_

**k opening it up**

_nice_

_ill wait til ur done reading_

**aight**

**holy shit remus this is really good wtf**

_u think so?_

**yeah this sounds like a fuckignn professor wrote it omg**

**i like how u tied sinclairs work to anti capitalist riots omg**

**omg**

_rlly? ? idk it felt a bit forced. like the us totally has a different form of capitalism so idk how it rlly relates but i mean this is an american literature class_

_idk i feel like i should stick the USA riots and stuff but i dont rlly know of any_

**what ??? no it sounds like a story sorta and it alludes to the uk which is good bc it sort of brings the whole concept down to earth**

_u think so??_

**yeah i mean this is fantastic**

_i cant believ e you actually know so much about literature_

**theatre and lit arent very far off**

_thats true_

**also mcgonagall would kill me if i didnt critique every piece of work i can get my hands on**

_what is she, ur mother?_

**basically. if mrs potter wasnt**

_mrs potter?_

**james mom**

_oh_

_actually that reminds me, did u ever face the repercussions of going out drinking with james parents?_

**uhh**

_omg u didnt im screaming_

**i mean i told james and he wasnt surprised and peter kinda just laughed at me**

_same peter. same_

**hey! like u have anyone better to go out drinking with**

_yeah, i totally do_

**yeah right! like who??**

_you_

**waht?**

_mmhmm_

**are u asking me on a date?? to a bar??**

_maybe_

**omg ree mu us**

_before i take u out though, i need to conclude this essay_

**_oh right_ **

**_essay_ **

_how very enthusiastic sounding of u_

_u dont have to help u know. u should probably catch some sleep_

**yeah but then it takes u longer and then YOU get less sleep so not happening monsieur**

_how chivalrous_

**what can i say**

**me main mum mcgonagall rubs off her strict politeness on me**

_is she ur improv teacher or ur mom i cant figure this out_

**shes my improv teacher lol but she used to be my tutor bc my parents r incompetent, ignorant fucks lmao**

_wha t_

**as in she would come to my house every day after work and teach me and my brother everything bc my parents didnt “believe in private or public education”**

**it wasnt until she quit bc they were so rude to her that they sent me off to boarding school where i met james and peter. now shes my improv teacher lol**

_interesting backstory_

_ur parents sound like they suck tho_

**ikr im so hardcore for dealing with them**

_ehhh i wouldnt go that far_

**hey!**

_maybe ur a hardcore emo_

**look i dont insult ur vague hipster vibe so dont u dare call me emo**

_lol ok gerard way_

**i didnt sign up for this**

_surely you did by agreeing to stay up with me_

**well**

**i guess i did sign up for this**

**fukc**

_lol_

_i hate bibliographies_

**me too**

**want me to just plug and chug ur sources in for u?**

_pads it isnt that easy_

_i have like books and magazine articles not just websites_

**what why would u use those they r hard to cite**

_bc i care more about content than how easy it is?_

**oh right**

**ppl actually try**

**oop**

**i only try at mariokart and acting tbh**

_of fucking course_

_when was the last time u’ve done a research essay again?_

**uhhh**

**probs sixth year**

_WHtaT_

**ikr im super proud i scraped by without writing any essays lol its gr8**

_how r u surviving_

**poorly?**

_for fucks sake i wish i could avoid writing assignments as well as u_

**u just gotta seduce the judges with ur sexy culinary skills**

_what_

**sorry i was watching Chopped and some guy was talking about his sexy entree so it reminded me of that**

_well. essays arent food and neither should be sexual tbh_

**i could be sexual instead ;)**

_honestly ur such a fuckboy_

**ok but only if by fuckboy u mean im the boy u fuck**

_wow_

_u took perhaps the worst insult_

_and actually turned me on_

**WAIT W HAT  I WH TA i m**

**WHAT??!?** **  
** _lol jk but that reaction is priceless_

**cries a little**

_idk maybe i wasnt joking_

_ull never know_

**omg no moony i need to know**

_nahh_

**moony tell me omg pl s e as e**

_ill think about it_

_but for now, i sleep._

**what no you cant go to sleep until u tell me whether u were joking or not**

_ehhh nah_

**no please**

**u have to finish ur essay anyway u cant go**

_i just finished and turned it in_

**fuck**

_yup so no point in us staying up any later_

**_nooo omg moony pls just tell me if ur were joking or not_ **

_its ur call_

**moony**

**moony**

_goodnight padfoot_

**mMONOONY** _  
_ _*snores*_

**MOOONY NOO**

**PLEA SE just tell me omg i cant stand this suspense**

**i neeeeeed to knoooooow**

**pls**

**moony**

**mooooony ???**

**omg moony ur The Worst**

**still nothing?**

**damnit**

**goodnight moons**

_gn pads_

 

(06:41)

_i feel like death_

**me too blegh**

**i slept for maybe three hours**

_i just didnt_

**waht remus why**

_bc it was already like 3 so i was like fuck it im just not gonna sleep_

**ur so foolish its kinda cute**

_i kno. lily just gave me instant coffee with like 6 shots of espresso_

**this is a Problem**

_nahhh_

**have u at least eaten food**

_no_

**have u showered**

_ehhh i washed my hair if that counts_

**omg u r a mutt! wash ur body remus**

_thats kinky_

**tru**

**wait how**

_idk_

**what**

_its like seven o’clock give me some slack_

**ill give u some smack ;)**

_i literally do not have enough energy for this_

**sorry**

**do u have anything planned today?**

_yeah ahahaha i have to do Death_

**what**

_its what happens after u Suffer_

_u Suffer then u Die_

**get a hold of urself remus**

**im supposed to be the one who isnt on top of his life, not u**

**unfair!**

_i am going to suffer even more just to make u have a hissy fit_

**i am no hissy!**

**i am punk rock ok**

_not hissy. yes punk rock_

_sure, but from what i remember, “punk rocks” dont start screaming about 1. dogs and 2. hot “hipsters”_

**idk why u quotated hipsters considering one of the main criteria of being a hipster is thinking ur not a hipster which is exactly what u do.**

_padfoot it is literally 7 am pls dont do this_

**in fact, considering the several subsets of society, punk rock ppl and hipsters are probably the most likely groups wherein conscious application of the term to one’s identity practically erases the legitimacy of said word. so like if someone says theyre a hipster, they arent, but are rather just posers**

_padfoot_

**in fact! perhaps it is both hypocritical and ironic that i call myself punk rock after just emphasizing how needy it sounds to apply a term to oneself.**

_where was this intellect last night when i was actually writing an essay_

**i think, that to an extent, subsets of millennial cultures are not different at all to that of previous gens**

**u know what really bugs me?**

_what really bothers you, pads?_

**people took the “punk” identity, which was basically created in rebellion to stupid political mess ups and shit, and glorified it and consumerized it and now people everyone thinks being punk rock is fake like no! the part thats fake is when people took advantage of a wholesome, organic subculture for capitalistic gain like wtF**

**like do u see those etsy shops that r like “punk rock starter kit!” “ACDC patches!” i bet they never even listened to acdc what the fu k**

_ok padfoot_

**mmhmm**

_wait u know punk rock is about defiant self expression, not conforming to other people’s defiant expression, right?_

_its about the individual_

_people are making it about the group entirely_

**exactly!**

_right_

**but anyway**

**maybe hippies led way to modern day mini-cultures**

**maybe our parents influences, of which we often reject, were essentially the basis of these new sub-identities**

_maybe u should stop talking about this_

**maybe u should suck my dick remus and let me rant ok its early and i am near collapsation**

_when?_

**when what**

_hm?_

**when am i gonna collapse or when do u wanna suck my dick bc id very much prefer the latter to the former**

_u know u usually sound like a fuckboy but for some reason, ur poshness and obnoxious vocab rlly comes out at 7am_

**james can testify for u**

**also u didnt answer**

_oh yeah the dick part_

**;kdsmlskflhdfxzl,v/fgclk.mxl,seghj**

**i know ur joking but like**

**kgjlsfdjgkz;ldgbkdlzbkl**

_and what if im not joking? lmao_

**then i will die and the funeral must include some weird fbi salute so ppl think i had a secret double life**

_sirius u need to stop taking things from tumblr_

**why? its still funny**

_bc i am omniscient on the internet_

_i identify copied jokes at the source_

**thats rlly pathetic**

_i know_

**so anyway while we were texting about that i was thinking**

_yeah?_

**why does society even need subcultures?**

_idk_

**isnt it counterintuitive that subcultures like emo, punk rock, hipster, grunge all rely on the subject acting like they arent said subculture?**

_i wouldnt know, padfoot_

**isnt it so hypocritical that subcultures created to prove that these people arent conforming to society are just forcing others to conform to their set of nonconformity, therefore erasing the entire point???!? ??!**

_what does that even mea n_

**like whats wrong with the mainstream anyway**

**what did the mainstream do wrong that everyone feels like they have to escape from it?**

_it probably has bad breath_

**no like siriusly tho**

_u just said siriusly im so done i dont have anymore energy for this shit omg u said siriusly_

**yeah ok u can be done in a few minutes just let me finish first**

_for fucks sake_

**right so anyway**

**if no one is mainstream then is there even a mainstream at all?**

**or is the true mainstream actually just an accumulation of all subcultures that glorify nonconformity?**

**lmao**

_do me a favor and never stay up late ever again_

**why?**

_bc then this happens_

_also did u really just end that philosophical journey with “lmao”_

_rlly?_

**yes**

_ok im ok with that_

_im ok with that_

_ok_

**ok**

**lol tfios ref amiright**

_no no i dont have energy for the fault in our stars_

_its so fucking mainstream_

**REMUS**

**what did i just rant about**

**omg**

_too late. i admit, i am a hipster through and through_

_i mean, i hate hipsters_

_but lol its so much fun to be one_

**thats hypocritical. hipsters cant be self-conscious**

**i just went over this moony**

_eh_

**fine be a self-identifying hipster see if i care**

**hmmph**

_you so care omfg_

_thats hilarious_

**no i dont! i dont care!**

**see if i can be punk rock without heavy chains and red highlights and patches of bands i dont like on a faux leather jacket then u can be a hipster without the obnoxious voice and fashionable beanies**

_i have both of those jokes on u_

**what**

_i own 17 beanies, padfoot_

**i give up**

**im going to bed**

_its like 9 a m_

**im going to bed**

**i did not get enough sleep to comprehend how someone can own 17 beanies**

**i just**

**i need to take a nap**

_have fun_

**i dont think i will**

_ok then dont have fun_

**what?! rude**

_right ok padfoot_

**sorry im just rlly tired**

_its alright_

**thanks**

**goodnight**

**or good morning**

**idk**

_time isnt real_

**damn ur right**

**have good sleep**

**text me if im not up by 4 pm**

_sure. dream of me, u “punk rock” gay_

**only if u stop calling urself a hipster**

_nahh_

 

(11:20)

_i just cleaned my enTIRE KITCHEN_

_where did i get all this energy_

 

(12:07)

_update: i’ve moved onto lilys room and cleaned everything i am such a good roommate_

 

(14:15)

_lmao my room has never been so tidy_

_there arent any clothes on the floor!_

_i still have so much energy!_

_im dead inside!_

_yay!_

 

(14:57)

_lol! i just used a fork to eat soup omg its so efficient im screaming_

_wait_

_no_

_not efficient_

_the other one_

_the other word_

_u know the one_

_the word_

 

(15:12)

**i think i just woke up to witness The Fall of Moony**

**hello?**

**omg u passed out didnt u**

**this entire day is just a giant joke for the both of us**

**well**

**guess im moony-less for the evening**

**good sleep, moony**

 

(20:11)

_youre right i totally passed out_

_my eyelids are like 4 tons each_

**u rlly dont handle not sleeping well**

_yeah_

**so whats up?**

_im just trying to regain my sense of reality_

**arent we all**

_i suppose so_

**james forced me to go third wheel his date**

_why_

**bc he doesnt know how to tell the girl hes not interested**

**so he was like**

**yo sirius**

**do it for me**

_idk why hes trusting a gay dude to break up with a girl but ok_

**neither do i**

**fukc**

_what?_

**james went to the restroom and now im stuck with her**

**idk what to do**

**its not like the food has even come so i could fill the silence with eating or something**

**shes asking me about my day fukc**

_omg_

**i said i slept from 9 am to 3 pm**

**shes very concerned**

_so am i_

**yeah but when arent u**

_true_

**she said she went jogging with her friend**

_for the entire day? w ow lmao_

**oh god fuckn ufkc fuck fuckckjufjkc**

_oh no what happened now???_

**well**

**james came back, which is good**

**and im now very sure shes not interested in james, which is good**

_so whats the problem??_

**i think shes into me! fuck**

**i have tried so hard to maintain an aesthetic that is as far away from straight as possible**

**how the fukc does she think i could possibly be into girls**

_thats amazing omg i feel so sorry for her_

**do u really now, moony?**

_ur right i dont_

_god where would i be without you?_

**probably with a moral compass**

_well thank god were friends then_

**yeah**

**friends**

_huh?_

**anyway she keeps winking at me**

**idk wha t to do**

**im too gay to think rationally in this situation**

_tell her ur not into her_

**but shes literally on a date with james??!**

**this is so awkward**

_i can tell, pads_

**ok our food came**

**shes telling me to stop texting bc its rude**

_text more. maybe its a turn off_

**omg moony u r brilliant**

_oh i know_

_start smacking on ur food if u rlly wanna do her in_

**what no**

**i hate smacking i hate it so much omg**

_lol thats so posh of you to say_

**what?? are u saying u like people who smack??**

_no of course not_

**but its p hilarious how negatively you reacted**

_hmmph fine_

**james is trying to be as detached as possible**

**hes making me do all the dirty work what a dick i love him**

**except right now its kinda awkward**

**shes talking about tennis**

**i know nothing about tennis**

_neither do i!!_

**who does?**

_tennis players_

**damn moony, right as always**

_im left handed_

**well then fuck**

_right so whats happening now_

**james is paying the tab**

**im gonna have to tell her he’s not into her**

**fuck**

_say u two r dating_

**what**

_say u and james are dating and thats why u came with_

_then like kiss him on the cheek or something_

**omg moony**

**youre a genius**

_je suis aware_

**brilliant french, 10/10, i applaud**

_merci beaucoup_

**is that all you can even say**

_oui_

**jesus christ**

_:*_

**ok we r leaving the restaurant**

_yeah?_

_whats happening?_

**she asked to hang out at our place**

**i said no bc james and i were gonna go have a little “us time”**

**and then i kissed him lol**

_wow u go all out_

**oh yeah i do ;)**

_ignoring that_

**then what happened?**

**she was like wait ur dating?**

**and i was like yeah? didnt u know?**

**and she was like oh**

**“sorry i thought this was a date between james and i**

**but thats alright you two r cute together”**

**and then she smiled and offered us condoms**

_w HAT_

**lmao ikr**

**its pretty hilarious**

_shes so nice_

**i actually took them**

**i was running a bit low, u know**

_sure_

**so thats that**

**james is very impressed at my method of clearing the air**

_tell him it was my idea_

**of course of course**

**he applauds**

_merci beaucoup_

**god not again**

_too late, u pretentious frenchie_

**rude**

_i know u love it_

**je te deteste, tu sais**

_u hate me? im honoured_

**ugh fuck u remus**

_ok what time_

**hey thats my line!!**

_ill take that as a no_

**what no i didnt mean i didnt want to fuck you**

_so u want to fuck me_

**what no i didnt say that**

_well, when given two options and denied one of them, one can infer that the answer is the only other answer_

**well,**

**i cant think of a good response**

_of course u cant_

**i barely slept last night ok give me a Break**

_u also took a nap sooo_

**fine hmmph**

_go to sleep sirius_

**okay**

**goodnight moons. sleep under ur moon, moony. moon**

_lol sweet dreams sirius_

 

Tuesday, December 19th, 2017.

 

(07:49)

_je suis tired_

**brilliant french**

**ten out of ten**

**i commend your linguistic capabilities**

_shut up je suis tired_

**moony pls**

**its eight am and you woke me up to bad french. do you really not expect me to be bitter and pretentious?**

_ur right_

_why would i not expect u to be bitter and pretentious_

**exactly**

_i mean, ur always bitter and pretentious_

**hey!! rude**

_good_

**why good? you are such an awful person**

_well as i recall u said that my blatant rudeness actually turns u on sooo_

**oh mon dieu**

**remus lupin you are the Absolute Worst**

_let me guess ur totally hard_

**shut the fuck up moony!!**

_u have the hormones of a 14 year old oh my god_

**look**

_yes?_

**nevermind i have no idea what i was gonna say lol**

_ur such a mess_

**yeah but im your mess ;)**

_what did i do to deserve this_

**ask me for math homework**

_that was so long ago_

**yeah time flies time dies**

_oh please no rent makes me emotional_

**awww moony gets emotional apparently**

_shhh u cant tell anyone_

**why not?**

_bc society has built a barrier between hypermasculinity and actual human emotion_

**wowzah**

_its true tho_

**oh i know**

_im also being critical. im well aware that i have emotions and i was being sarcastic, for your fyi_

**for my fyi**

**also yeah i could tell**

_yes_

_for ur fyi_

**damn son that’s some pretty redundant language there considering ur a lit major**

_im not ur son_

**but what if i wanna be ur daddy?? ;)))**

_im blocking ur number_

**noooo moony wait!! i was only joking**

_daddy kinks are not to be joked about_

_they are dangerous and beyond my control_

_like food exploding in a microwave_

**what**

_what im trying to say here is_

_i hate daddy kinks_

**good so do i**

_really? that wasnt very apparent here_

**well**

_well what?_

**i dont remember**

_u r such a mess. go back to sleep before u die from confusion_

**i dont think i can**

_can what? go back to sleep or die from confusion_

**the second one**

_have u ever played pokemon?_

**touche. i remember my squirtle would always faint from accidentally hitting itself while confused what a guy**

_nevertheless if u hang around me for long enough u can totally die from confusion_

**how reassuring**

_just go take a nap_

**yes sir**

_and never say that again_

**yes sir**

_ugh fuck u_

**yes sir**

_whatever fine fine call me sir whatever fine_

**yes sir**

_goddamnit ur the worst go get some sleep u big nerd_

_and dont reply with yes sir_

**yes sir**

_i hate u_

**< 3**

 

(15:02)

_i think i just saw u_

**what?**

_yeah in the underground_

**wait what i was just there**

**omg**

_yeah u had some guy with rlly messy hair and brown skin with u??_

_is that james_

**y e s how did i not see u wtf**

_idk idk_

**where were u even going**

_lily and i are going north to a friends house_

**oh cool**

**james just showed me a picture of a micropig sitting at a picnic table with ice cream i feel so blessed**

_friendship goals_

**more like life goals**

_are u saying u want to be a micropig sitting at a picnic table with ice cream??_

**are u saying u dont?**

_touche_

**theres an accent there**

_what_

**its touché with an accent aigu on the e**

_thats the most pretentious thing ive ever read_

**look i dont think this criticism right now**

_u always need criticism_

**ok i can admit that that is somewhat true**

**but either way, i cant help that im french!**

_uh huh_

**yes uh huh! its just my nature alright??**

_ok king louis_

**have i mentioned lately that i hate you?**

_not that i can remember, sorry_

**well then, i hate u**

_awhhh i hate u too <333 _

**thats so gay**

_lmao true but we are gay soo_

**i guess that does make sense**

 

(18:04)

**whats up mon ami?**

_im hanging with my main buds_

**that is the worst usage of slang ive ever heard**

_fine fine im hanging out with my friends (not main buds). happy?_

**very :)**

_and how r u spending this fine tuesday evening_

**suffering**

_besides that? lol_

**sinning**

_besides that too?_

**seasoning?**

_what_

**like seasoning food??**

_how does that have to do with suffering or sinning? i sense no correlation_

**well, moony, as an enlightened chef, i know how to perfectly season all foods**

_and r u actually doing that?_

**maybe**

**peter and i are making a yule log**

_that… isnt that a cake?_

**yes**

_w h yt eh fuck woudl you season a fuckign cake??!_

**we arent. i just couldnt think of another s-word that had to do with cooking**

_sauteing?_

**u dont saute cake remus what a hypocrite**

_whatever im just gonna start listing words give me like 2 minutes_

**ok**

_serving, saucing, scrambling, simmering, spicing, skewering, sprinkling, stir-frying_

**that took u two minutes and u only said like ten words**

_i have recently discovered that there r like zero verbs that start with s and have to do with cake_

**exactly!**

_fine. i’ll let u have seasoning just bc there’s no other replacement word for it smh_

**does this mean i finally won something against the Great Moony?**

_i’m not that great_

**what?? shut up?? thats so wrong omfg**

_sorry? ur just lying to urself if u think im great_

**remus i will set myself on fire**

_wha  t the fuck dont do that??!_

**i will metaphorically set myself on fire**

_???_

**because maybe if im on fire ill be as hot as u are**

_that’s so cheesy lol_

**look what im trying to say here is that ur rlly fucking hot and like im rlly fucking gay and like idk idk i just think ur great ok like ur rlly great ok like... u r as great to me as paula deen is to peter**

_who’s paula deen?_

**some woman who wrote a ton of cookbooks. pete rlly likes her pound cake**

_ooo i like pound cake too_

**yeah its pretty good**

**wait no thats uNRELATED TO THE TOPIC AT HAND**

_what_

**back to whats really important: ur hot im gay. end of story. ta-da**

_wait_

**yes?**

_do you like me?_

**what nooooooo**

_wait no seriously i actually had no idea_

**what? no? i**

**ok yes**

**im really into you**

_oh_

**im sorry?**

**is that bad?**

**this isnt going to ruin anything is it?**

**im really sorry, moony**

_what no dont be sorry_

**i dont understand then…**

_no im sorry im being unclear. i just.. really didnt think u legitimately were interested in me like.. romantically or whatever_

**sorry?**

_no its ok i guess im just really oblivious_

**yeah we all know**

_smh_

**so…**

_yes?_

**are u mad at me?**

_no_

**okay**

_right_

**righttt**

 

_(23:03)_

**heyy**

_hey_

**im like**

**i don t know**

**man like i felel rlly bad ab out what i sai d bt like i actually elly like u and im sorry ok i didnt mean to fuck shit up**

**likee i understand if u dont wa nna talk anymore tha s ok i get it i  probabbbyly dserve it tbnhh sorry**

_wait what? i dont want to stop talking to you_

**wha t no butim such a jerk i cant belie ve myself im fucking awful i godadamint shitt**

_please take a deep breath_

**FUKCC i droppped the bottle on my foo t ewh**

_is it bleeding?_

**y es fucigmg fuck FULCMFUCK i hate**

_u hate what?_

**ID ONT! !!**

**NOO probabyl me me i suck and not even**

**di k imM getting no dick hahaha fuck me i hate me everything hate fuck me**

_please calm down_

**thta is nonpossible im no**

_im going to call you, ok?_

**oka y**

 

(23:18)

[Call from Moony <33 to Padfoot B)]

_“Hi.”_

**“H-hello… mmph, fuck.”**

_“Look, I know you’re drunk or whatever, but I just want you to know that you didn’t fuck anything up, okay?”_

**“Oh.”**

_“I’m just really bad at people, you know. Like, you told me you were into me and I honestly had no idea and now I feel kind of like a jerk because I should have said something substantial instead of stuttering my way through those conversations.”_

**“Pete! Pass… pass me another b-bear. No. Bear. Beer. Ach! Th-thanks.”**

_“Right… so, uhm… I’m sorry for being so confusing and backwards and hopefully you can forgive me?”_

**“Agh! I stubbed… stubbed-ubbed my toe. It hurts! There is blood. Blood. H-help me, Remus. Remus! Moony!”**

_“Uh… yes?”_

**“Blood!”**

_“Go clean that up, please.”_

**_“Mmph.”_ **

_“...”_

**“...”**

_“All better?”_

**“Fuck, ach. Yes.”**

_“Good.”_

**“...You’re okay.”**

_“Huh?”_

**“We’re… mmph. We’re okay.”**

_“Okay.”_

**“Let’s meet, R-Remus.”**

_“Alright. When would you like to?”_

**“N-now?”**

_“Babe, it’s like midnight.”_

**“Right. S-sorry. Fuck.”**

_“Are you alright?”_

**“No! I… I, I… fuck! Moony!”**

_“Sirius.”_ _  
_ **“Y-you called me babe! Fuck! Moony, shit, fuck… fuck!”**

 _“Why’s that a problem?”_ _  
_ **“...”**

_“Sirius?”_

**“I’m s-so sorry!”**

_“But why?”_ _  
_ **“...”**

_“...”_

**“I really fucking like you.”**

_“I like you too.”_

**“R-really?”**

_“Yeah, I do.”_

**“Good.”**

_“I want to meet you.”_

**“I want to kiss you.”**

_“Oh?”_

**“Y-yes. Ach! Not now… not now. My breath is ew. Ew.”**

_“Ha. That’s okay. You’re drunk.”_

**“Hi drunk, I’m S-Sirius.”**

_“I don’t think that’s how the joke works.”_

**“Hmmph.”**

_“Okay. I think it’s time for you to go to bed.”_

**“Only if you’re there, Moon moon.”**

_“I’m sorry, Pads. I’m at home.”_

**“Me, me too. Agh.”**

_“Go to sleep, Padfoot.”_

**“B-but… my foot is bleeding.”**

_“Patch it up, please.”_

**“I d-did! Ugh…”**

_“Then can you please catch up on some rest? I hate seeing you like this.”_

**“Ach.”**

_“Pads?”_

**“I’m in bed now.”**

_“Okay, good.”_

**“Can you s-stay with me, Moony?”**

_“Of course.”_

**“D-don’t hang up.”**

_“I won’t.”_

**“Mmm.”**

_“Sleep tight.”_

**“Sleep tight.”**

_“...”_

**“...”**

 

[Call Automatically Disconnected at 03:52]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Molly for being the most emo beta of all time and to all the readers who added kudos and/or words of encouragement. I love you all.


	3. Texts Logs #3: December the 20th to December the 21st, 2017.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus excitedly arrange their first date, but something unexpected comes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings: heavy mentions of death and grief, some sexual language
> 
> bold = Sirius  
> italics = Remus  
> underlined = Lily

Wednesday, December 20th, 2017.

 

(11:32)

_ hey _

**good morning**

_ did u sleep alright? _

**yeah i think**

**did u stay up with me?**

_ i did yeah _

**sorry i dont remember much**

**what happened on the phone?**

_ u stepped on some glass and started bleeding and then i think i calmed u down but im not sure _

_ are u okay? _

**yeah i mean sorta idk i have a headache**

_ u should drink some water _

**yeah**

_ u sure ur alright? _

**yes**

**no**

**idk moony**

**im so sorry**

_ no its not ur fault _

**no**

**yes it is it so fucking is**

**like i don t fucking know what i said but**

**i know i overreacted**

**im sorry**

_ its ok. i just want u to be happy _

**yeah**

_ we’re alright, right? _

**yeah i hope**

_ good _

_ soo _

**what?**

_ would u like to go out sometime? _

**oh um**

**yes**

_ i mean we dont have to i dont know how u’d feel about it but there’s this nice ice skating rink near campus and i dont know maybe if u were up to it we could go there sometime? _

**no i mean yes that sounds brill. i’d love to**

_ oh okay good phew _

**thnx moons**

_ what for? _

**for asking**

_ oh well i mean i wanted to ask _

**yeah but still**

**i**

**what are we?**

_ what do u mean? pls tell me ur not getting existential its wayyy too early for that _

**remus**

**its like 11 am**

_ its wayyy too early for that _

**ur such a mess**

_ thats true _

**but no i dont mean “what are we” as in some sort of vague attempt at figuring out the nature of our place in the universe and i dont mean to label that question as one sentence in the grander scheme of a philosophical revolution named existentialism which lowkey has nothing to do with that question at all btw**

_ of course _

_ wait how did u write that when ur hungover? _

**i**

**i dont know**

_ thats reassuring _

**mhmm**

**but anyway..**

**what i meant is**

**are we a thing now?**

_ i dont… think so _

**oh**

_ wait no i mean like _

_ can we go on a date first? _

_ before we say anything? _

**yeah**

**of course**

_ okay _

_ good _

**good**

_ i really want to meet you _

**me too**

_ when are u free? _

**uhhh basically whenever all i do is do stupid shit with prongs and wormy and that can always be pushed back**

**wait actually no james says im not free christmas thru the 30th**

_ well good i was thinking more like tomorrow than christmas anyway _

**oh**

**that works!**

_ okay _

_ god i can already feel my nerves and its not even tomorrow yet fuck me in the ass _

**gladly**

_ wait omfg no i didnt mean THAT _

**ok just know im always willing**

**u just gotta ask**

_ i thought u said u were a bottom _

**oh**

**well shit**

**nevermind then**

**(lowkey i’d still do it)** **  
** _ ur such a hoe _

**ok yes but im ur hoe**

_ how romantic _

**i try, i try**

_ of course u do _

**well, i mean, obviously**

**one cannot become as cool and punk rock as me without trying**

_ you mean lame and gay? _

**same thing**

_ righhttt _

**ignoring that**

_ mhm _

**so when do u want to meet tomorrow?**

_ um idk noon? _

**sounds good, i guess ill pick u up?**

_ the ice rink is only like a mile walk from my place _

**i may have slight ulterior motives of wanting to drive us there**

_ ok? just dont fucking kidnap me or some shit _

**what? no? i meant something else**

_ and that is? _

**its a surprise**

_ sure it is _

**no, im being serious**

_ ur always being serious _

**oh haha**

_ what? u always make that joke, why cant i? _

**because its my joke!!**

_ no, your life is your joke _

_ THIS is anyone’s joke _

**wow**

**thats stone cold**

**harsh**

**im wounded**

_ oh boohoo _

**will i ever recover?**

**no**

**youve fatally wounded my heart**

**i,,,, im dying, remus**

_ sure _

**just,,,, tell james,,,, to suck my ass,, and,,**

_ and what? _

**tell all the dogs,,, in the world,, that i,,, i**

**i,,, love them,,,, *dies***

_ good riddance _

**HEY!**

_ wait sp ur not dead? _

**of course not! im just, emotionally dead**

_ aw, so i still have to deal with u tomorrow :( _ _   
_ **now u know how james feels**

**every day**

**of every year**

_ i pity him so much _

**no dont pity him! pity me! u havent heard him sing, u know the least of it**

_ im sure hes amazing at it _

**hes,,, rlly,,,, not**

_ yeah ok fine u get like 2 percent pity r u happy _

**no,,,,**

**i need,,, at least 100 percent of ur pity (and affection),,, at all times,,,**

_ uh huh _

**yes,,**

_ whats with all these commas all of a sudden? _

**,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,dramatic effect**

_ u have enough of that already _

**rlly?**

_ too much _

_ ur such a fucking drama queen _

**then u can be fucking a drama queen**

_ i _

_ i have no idea how that has any resemblance to a pun or whatever u were going for and angered that it still fit within the context and that u have managed to somehow turn being dramatic into a sexual suggestion which worKED i hate u _

**wait wait wait**

**hold on a sec**

**what do u mean that that “worKED”??????????**

_ u know _

**i really dont**

_ yes u do _

**wait**

**omg i know**

_ yeah so pls shut up and let me jack off and die from embarrassment in peace _

**oHHH MY GODDDDD**

**I TURNED U ONNNNNNNN**

**OOOOOOHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDD**

_ sirius _

**GAY**

_ no _

**UR SO GAY FOR ME**

_ look i dont need this omg _

**GAYYYYYYY**

_ im nOT IM A BI BUDDY _

**sTILL**

_ nO _

**yeS**

_ ur the worst person dont talk to me or my dick ever again _

**an d on that note, i depart for lunch with the fellows**

_ ok u ass _

**ill talk to u later**

_ ass _

**;)**

_ fuck off _

**gladly ;)**

_ ugh _

 

(17:32)

**heyy!**

_ hey pads _

**so what are our plans for tomorrow, moonbeam?**

_ idk i just thought we could go ice skating or something like that _

**oh ok cool cool**

_ why? would u rather do something else? _

**oh no im fine with ice skating**

_ u sure? _

**yeah**

**im sure**

**totally haven’t like never ice skated before or anything like that**

**bahahahaha**

**im cool with it B)** _   
_ _ you’ve never ice skated before, have u? _

**merde how did u figure that out fuck what**

_ lol pads. we can do something else _

**no!**

_ what? _

**i want to ice skate! really! can u teach me?**

_ sure pads, i’ll teach u how to ice skate tmrw _

**omg remus thats so kind, so generous, so fine**

_ of course i’m fine ;) _

**damn remus u so fine u so fine u blow my mind**

_ never mind everything _

**no wait! i haven’t even gotten to the “hey remus” part yet!**

_ u totally planned this didn’t you? u fucking baguette fucker _

**woah slow down what i do with baguettes in my spare time is absolutely zero percent ur business**

_ ,,,,u didnt deny fucking baguettes _

_ u didnt deny fucking baguettes _

_ u didnt _

_ de n y fu ck i ng  _

_ baguettes. _

_ baguettes _

**look moony, the french aren’t perfect people**

_ u didnt deny _

_ fucking baguettes _

_ and then u blamed supposedly fucking a baguette with your nationality _

_ baguettes _

_ i really just thought that would be a funny insult to the french i didnt expect u to have actually fucked a baguette  _

_ oh god _

**moony, u should probably know that i lie compulsively for the sake of comedic value and that sometimes it gets a little out of hand**

_ so u didnt baguette a fuck _

**no, moons. i didnt baguette a fuck**

_ shit _

**baguette a fuck :)**

_ fuck off padfoot _

**;)**

_ ugh. so u didnt fuck a baguette? _

**well**

**i never said that**

_ siRIUS PLEASE I NEED ANSWERS OK _

**fine fine! i was joking lmaoo**

_ jesus christ im too old for this _

**lol moons**

_ right _

_ right _

_ well, im going to go take a warm shower and drink to forget _

**wait! before you go to wash away the images of me fucking a long, delicious french baguette (ur welcome, btw), when do u want to meet tomorrow?**

_ i dont know if im mentally prepared to meet u tomorrow after that text lmaooo _

**wait rlly?**

_ nah im kidding. how about five? _

**five sounds good. we can go get dinner first :)**

_ that actually sounds nice, pads _

**ok cool lets meet me outside fleamont’s. its james parents cafe, about three streets north of the rec center**

_ sounds legit. ill see u then _

**have fun washing your mind of filth until then ;)**

_ fuck off pads :) _

**lmaoo**

 

(20:52)

_ just here to inform u that i totally succeeded in erasing those scarring images from my mind before bed _

**a nice fresh baguette, right out of the oven, firm and long**

_ sirius please thats really gross and i have to remain at least some sanity for tomorrow _

**lmao ok moony**

_ anyway im heading to bed so goodnight padfoot _

**goodnight remus, sweet dreams of me and my baguette :***

_ yeah ok _

 

Thursday, December 21st, 2017.

 

(10:31)

**good morning moons :)**

_ morning _

**whats up?**

_ im present shopping with lily and she keeps forcing me into christmas sweaters _

**omg i demand pictures!!!**

_ no! i am taking no in part of that! this is confidential!! _

**oh fine i’ll get them the hard way**

_ sure u will _

**just u wait ;)**

 

_ (10:34) _

**hello lily, this is sirius in case u forgot**

remus’s boyfriend?

**what? did he say boyfriend???**

no but i just assumed lol

what do you want?

**wow straight to business, you are**

wow great syntax, you have

**wow**

**im hurt**

yeah ok so what did u want?

**pictures of remus in christmas sweaters please**

**he told me u were forcing him into some at the store**

of course

**yas send me the goods**

thats gross but here

[Image Attached]

[Image Attached]

[Image Attached]

[Image Attached]

**thank you lily, this is a sufficient artillery**

ur welcome

**:)**

 

(10:53)

_ DID YOU ASK LILY FOR PICTURES OF ME IN FUCKING CHRISTMAS JUMPERS? _

_ WHAT THE FUCK _

**in all defense, you look super cute**

_ YEAH I KNOW BUT STILL _

_ i didnt ask for thissss _

**but u look cute**

_ thanks  _

**of course**

_ but come on u guys r so rude to meeee _

**looks like ur the drama queen now**

_ wow _

_ fine fine i get it _

_ u guys are conspiring behind my back _

_ it makes sense _

_ sirius? _

_ hey u still there? _

 

(11:21)

_ hey im sorry i was joking _

_ im not actually mad _

_ sirius? _

 

(11:36)

hey sirius are you ok? remus is worrying

 

(12:04)

  
_ padfoot please say something _

**hi shit sorry**

**i cant talk rn**

**sorry**

**shit**

_ no its fine _

_i’ll see u at 5?_  

 

(15:18)

 

please text remus, he's kind of panicking

 

(16:27)

 

_ you never responded but i’ll go to the cafe in case u show up _

_ sorry if i said something wrong _

 

(17:03)

_ okay im here _

 

(17:12)

_ james’ parents are nice _

_ i asked them if they had talked to you lately and they said no _

_ i told them that you haven’t been responding all day _

_ now we’re all worried _

_ please say something _

_ sirius _

 

(17:20)

[2 Missed Calls from Fleamont]

[5 Missed Calls from Moony <33]

 

(17:53)

_ sorry if i overstepped a boundary by telling your parents _

_ or james’ parents _

_ i dont know _

_ i’m home now btw _

 

(20:03)

**hey eremus im soyry i cankukdnbt**

**im srorry  missd oru date s hi t fuck sdigujsdkflg**

_ hey its okay, whats wrong? _

**im at htr hpopsital**

_ why? are you injured? are you okay? _

_ sirius? _

_ sirius? _

**agch sorry i**

**my hrother g ot shhot**

_ oh shit _

_ what hospital are u at? _

**nnono it s ok the y only let one visitro anywayy and my pare tn s are gkiung to come in a ffew hours and ill ha ve to expla in Why and n**

**i d,ont want u to qsee me lke this**

_ sirius please, i want to help you get through this _

**nonon it ok i just want tot spend time with tegulus  while i s till can**

**regulus**

**sh ti ‘**

**fukc remus hes fucking dying hes fuckfuing dying na d my parents aire giing to baleme me and theyrfe not evefn wrogn mn er de merde merDE**

_hey, it's going to be alright. take some deep breaths. is there a water fountain nearby? drink some water, please. everything's alright._

_you're alright._

_regulus is alright._

**no tb nw tgats n ot fuckin g true hes bvarely fuckig  n breatihng**

**i**

**i should have nev   ver let him get involvd with thhat gang i shouldhve fukcign go t him  out fof there its ALL MY CFUCKIGGGGN FUALT**

_ sirius its not your fault, there was nothing you could have done.  _

_ if your parents blame you, then thats because theyre really bad parents _

_ its not your fault _

_ dont blame yourself, its not your fault _

**BUT IT FUDKCIGN IIS BECAUSE ifr U  I HA JUST LET HIMS STAY WITH ME LAST MONTH HE WOULDNT AJVR FUVKING**

**REMUSS lejbdfkn**

**i m sro sorry thisn insnt yuor proble m im sotrry**

_ hey, don’t be sorry. i’d do anything for you if it means you’ll feel better.  _

_ this was a really hard day for you and you’re grieving _

_ don’t feel sorry for that. _

_ please _

**fuc wkls**

**k**

**im srriy  y il**

**its tjust i m he spent os muhux time waiting for me tio get out and  ,sav e hi m an**

**nskhyit theyre here i gttg im stporry merd e**

**we can tal k lattr i gues s**

_ ok _

_ i’ll be here for u when ur ready to talk _

_ text me later, ok? im here to help _

**ok ,**

_ i’m here for u <3 _

**yeah**

 

(22:19)

_ hey im about to pass out from exhaustion, but ive put my ringtone on full blast in case u text me, so if i take a while to respond that’s why. and dont worry about me being asleep, u call me no matter what. a few lost hours of sleep are nothing. im here for u. goodnight for now, sirius. he’ll be fine _

**gn,**

 

(23:37)

 

**hes**

**d**

**d**

**HES FUKCOING DEad**

**rt        h jdtrjpz**

[11 Unanswered Calls to Reg]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry.
> 
> this chapter's more of a transitional chapter if that's any excuse for how short it is.   
> also, things may seem desolate now, but it gets better. less angst in the future. (probably)
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated :)

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to tumblr users lala-lady-elana, mollovespandas, lunarlester, and anyone else who helped edit, proofread, and send me the encouragement I needed. I love you all.
> 
> Lastly, I welcome all reviews/comments. Thanks for all the support you give.


End file.
